Sunday, August 12, 2007
There's a word with "C-L" that is titterous,
And it's making the Empress all jitterous.
To be perfectly clear,
Here's the thing that we fear:
With unprintable entries you'll litter us.
It's time for our annual visit to the indefatigable Chris J. Strolin and his Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form. When we last checked in (52 weeks ago) with Chris J. and his minions of online OEDILFers all working toward the goal of writing limericks for every word in the English language, they had posted more than 30,000 and were then up to words beginning with ca-. Now Chris J. reports that the site has passed the 42,000 mark and still is navigating the high C's. This week: Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. The limerick can define the word (as most of the OEDILF limericks do) or simply make its meaning clear (maybe even without saying it), as in the example above, which was penned by the onetime Czar of The Style Invitational with the warning "If you conclude it is not genius, I resign from life." (He lives, after a bit of imperial editing for meter in Line 1.)
For the Empress's guidelines on limerician rhyme and meter, see the link at http://www.oedilf.com. Her standards are stricter than some people's, looser than others. Once we run the results on Sept. 8, you may submit your entries (getting ink here or not) to the Oedilfers as well.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets two excellent volumes: a colorful 2006 year-in-review in Swedish, and the Candace Bushnell novel "Blondynki," often known as "Blondes" when not translated into Polish.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 20. Put "Week 726" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 8. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Jon Reiser of Hilton, N.Y.
Report From Week 721Our perennial "Jeopardy"-ish contest, except that all the "answers" consisted of Googlenopes (unique search engine hits) submitted in the Week 717 contest:
4. Museum of Suburban Culture: What description did Lawrence Small put on his Smithsonian expense account after putting a chandelier in his garage? (Eric Murphy, Ann Arbor, Mich.)
3. Pamela Anderson's elbow: What's the centerfold in this month's Rumspringa Magazine? (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)
2. Winner of the rubber sea urchin hat: That controversial "Gilligan's Island" episode: What's the one where the Professor uses stem cells from Mary Ann's and Ginger's aborted fetuses to save the life of the Skipper? (Mark Hagenau, Derry, N.H.)
And the Winner of the InkerMore bizarre than Karl Rove dancing: What is Scooter Libby walking? (Steve Ettinger, Chevy Chase)
And These Parting Gifts Go To ...THE UPSIDE OF TOOTH LOSS:
What is Chapter 3 of the Happy Hooker's new book for older women? (Michael Seaton, Bowie)
What is getting a million-dollar tabloid photo of Allen Iverson's fist two inches from your face? (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)
What is the ability to warm your nose with your lower lip? (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
MUSEUM OF SUBURBAN CULTURE:
Where can you find mummies buried under piles of laundry? (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
What is the back seat of a minivan? (D.L. Williams, Bethesda)
What museum receives only a handful of visitors each year, but still plans to add on a sunroom for entertaining? (Jon Shaner, Grand Rapids, Mich.)
What's not nearly as depressing at the Museum of Urban Crime? (Tom Witte, Suburbia)
ARKANSAS AND OLD LACE:
What did Kirstie Alley wear to the Emmys? (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)
What is currently on top of Bill Clinton's grandma? (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
What was the nickname for the unsuccessful presidential ticket of Mike Huckabee and Barney Frank? (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)
What are two things Hillary Clinton wouldn't be caught dead in? (Russ Taylor; Mike Fransella, Arlington)
OUTHOUSE LOVESEATS:
What does the Court-A-Potty company specialize in? (D.L. Williams)
What furniture is artsy and also fartsy? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
What furniture was custom-made for Chang and Eng Bunker? (Jeffrey Susser, Silver Spring)
Where would "kissy-poo" be an apt term of endearment? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
MORE BIZARRE THAN KARL ROVE DANCING:
What is Dennis Kucinich singing "Sixteen Tons"? (Judith Cottrill, New York)
AN INAPPROPRIATE TIME TO WEAR A KILT:
What is parachuting into the Everglades? (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
What is your day to lead the "Visit Metro's Longest Escalators" tour? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
What's Free Bratwurst Day at the dog track? (Beth Baniszewski, Somerville, Mass.)
What's true of getting stopped by the Malibu police that isn't true of filming "Braveheart"? (Russell Beland, Springfield)
HOMER SIMPSON'S DOCTORAL THESIS:
What is "Dynamics of Gastrointestinal Interspersion of Sucrose-Infused Carbohydrate Toroids Within a 5 Percent Ethyl Alcohol Medium?" (Tom Savonick, Milford, N.J.)
If you sat three monkeys at typewriters for one hour . . . ? (Andrew Hoenig)
What's on the bookshelf between Ashlee and Jessica Simpson's doctoral theses? (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)
THAT CONTROVERSIAL "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" EPISODE:
What was the one where, right before his big date with Ginger, the Professor synthesized Rohypnol from a banana, seaweed and the Skipper's hat? (Marc Leibert, New York)
What eventually caused Bob Denver to lose out to Marlon Brando for the role of Don Corleone? (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)
HAZY, HOT, HUMID AND HAPPY:
What subtitle comes after "The Earth" in the title of the Bush administration's report on global warming? (Evan Allgood, Alexandria)
Instead of the names of the days, what words does Britney Spears put on a week's worth of panties? (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
How does the Secret Service refer to Scooter, Condi, Cheney and Bush? (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
PAMELA ANDERSON'S ELBOW:
What is the only part of Pamela Anderson's body without a warranty? (Eric Murphy)
At the onset of puberty, a boy's diagnosis of "Little League elbow" is reclassified as what ailment? (Chris Rollins, Cumberland, Md.)
What is represented by the left or right symbol in the following rebus? < ( ) ( ) > (Jennifer Rubio, Oakton)
What can definitely be differentiated from Pamela Anderson's behind? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
What will Pamela Anderson's breast be adjacent to when she turns 50? (Leigh Giza, Centerville)
TOO OSTENTATIOUS FOR DONALD TRUMP:
Can you explain the concept of "null set"? (Steve Ettinger)
What is the name of that new fragrance by P. Diddy? (John Conti, Norfolk, Mass.)
What is one thing that wearing a mink toupee and shoes made from giant panda leather, while dining on truffle-stuffed hummingbirds, is not? (Russ Taylor)
Next Week: Name Your Poison, or Two Parts Grin, One Part Uncouth
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